"In 20 years I won’t remember today; that scares me." “10 Word Poem" series - #31 (via genesus)
8/3/14, 235110 notes
More from poet-wonder Timothy DuWhite:Joy RevisitedDuring a discussion about existentialismour professor explains to us that all true intellectualsmust understand that meaning will always be subjective.It is simply a matter of who wins the majority vote.For example, this is only a handbecause enough mouths have spoke it into existence.So, a while back I decidedI’ll try to be my own self-determining agent of authenticity.So this is not a hand.No, this is a hubalu.I occasionally pick shit up with it.Here, pass me the ballWatch me catch it with my hubalus.This,is meaning,for me.It is mine.I made it.I am not asking you for yours.Yet, what does it matter without a majorities approval?For the last few years I’ve been trying to define my own meaning for Joy.The dictionary says that Joy is a state of happiness or felicity.Yet, that always felt so limiting.If Joy truly only shows up when I am happy;Then it does not deserve meNo,I want my meaning for Joy to be bigger than that.The day I was diagnosed H.I.V positiveI showered my body in this worlds definition of sorrow.I didn’t speak of joy for monthsMy family and friends would not allow it.I was supposed to be sad.Every mouth around me spoke it into existence."Tim you are only 21.Tim you have only loved once.Tim you must truly hate him.”But see today I am 23.Just as alive as before only difference is now a college graduatewith enough intellect to understandthat meaningis always subjective.So I’ll tell you what Joy is.It is a year and a half later after my diagnosis.It is me calling my ex,calling my first love,and telling him,that I forgive himfor everything.Joy is me unblocking his phone number.Me listening to how his year has been;The struggles he has been forced to go through.Joy is me no longer being afraid to admitthat I still love the man that gave me a terminal illness.And though the majority of you may not approve of this,that is okay,because this is Joy for me.It is mine.I made it.I made it.I made it.I am not asking you for yours.
"I’ll try to be my own self-determining agent of authenticity."